Dun... dun ... dun.. dun.. .dun...dun.. neener nooo ... neener nooooo
This week we want you to channel your inner Action Hero! You inner SPY!
Top Secret Stuff! We want it! Secret Agent Man!
We're throwing caution to the WIND! CUZ we have the spy skills and spy tools to do it!
Tell us about a time that you pulled off a MISSION that seemed IMPOSSIBLE.
Tell us about a time that you tapped into your inner SpY self.
Tell us who you'd like to SPY on for a day and why!
Tell us which Spy Hero you love and why you'd make a good sidekick.
What would your spy name be?
James Bond
Jason Bourne
Matthew McHey Hey fine * pout face
The Mission IMpossible Guy: Ethan Hunt!
Get Smart Dude AUstin Powers Y
ou may re-work it however you'd like. :)
THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 3....2....... RUN!
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So the garage door Mission Impossible opener story:
* swearing involved
* f bombs abound
* rate R for - f bomb lovahs.
* rated LONG BUT funny... coffee down please.
Garage doors and I just don't get along. Our first house had a nice simple garage door. Until my husband ran head first into it with the car. I yelled at him. Then I promptly backed into it to give my 'you're such an effin idiot lecture' some oomph.
This led to an entire debacle in which Dbd and his penny pinchin O ring ass decided that HE could INSTALL a brand new 3 ton ( guessing) garage door.
Um. He could NOt.
It was like a guillatine when it was "installed."
I would SCREAM like some nut ass if one of the kids got within 6 feet of it.
So anways. Me and Garage doors. Not so much on friendly terms.
-
I was offered the use of my friend's rug doctor that she rented.
I jump at the chance as
Violator of all that is nice number 1- Fat Dog
and violator of all that is valuable and fairly nice plus some undies.. number 2- Crack Dog ( who now lives with another nice family)
(BOTH criminals )
had left evidence of heinous crimes in my dining room. UGHHH
Why the formal room guys?? HUh?? You feeling "classy?" Good to know I have high end SHITTER AND PISSERS.
So anyways: I head up there to grab it while she's not home. SHE GIVES ME A NUMBER CODE for a garage door ( yikes) one that has some sort of touch pad special super duper open sesame code word. OH MY LORD.
I am having flashbacks to when we were in transition from apartment to apartment. Stuff in storage.
DbD's work van ( beater.. kidnap looking van ) all stuffed to the gills with the good stuff ( tv's, vcr's, etc) THAT we deemed WAY TOO VALUABLE to leave in a storage unit. ( SMURT COOKIES WE IS)
So we LEFT IT IN THE VAN and cars for SEVERAL DAYS. On the cul-de-sac of the house we will be staying at. We are THINKERS.
So we get to the house . Late at night cause of all the storage unit stuffing. The friends who have offered their home as shelter for a few days are out at a wedding. Shelter of the kick ass , oh so friggin nice YEE HAW FOR US kind.
We're talking major houseage here.
They have kindly left the back door open though.
So let's review.
1. Electronic stuff in kidnap looking van.
2. It is night time.
3. Homeowners are not home.
4. We must go around the back of the house to enter.
5. OH yes. Almost FORGOT. County Sheriff LIVES NEXT DOOR.
So. I'll leave the rest of the story up to your imagination. :)
Fun times.
So I"m having flashbacks of our first attemped robbery of a house. Hoping I do nothing wrong whilst INNOCENTLY attempting to secure a rug doctor free of charge.
THE GARAGE IS A DOUBLE DOOR GARAGE.
I get the ONE SIDE open. YAHH FOR ME. "OPEN SESAAAAAAAAAAME." yells SUPAH.
neener noooo.. neeener nooo...
I go and locate Mr. Doctor.
TRY TO Locate cleaning fluid, BUT it's not where it's supposed to be. Find it finally and put it in left hand. Grab rug doctor with right hand and some of left hand.
Begin the descent down the stairs, BACKWARDS with massive rug doctor machine that is not handler friendly.
Realize cap on bottle of detergent: is not on.
HOw I know this?
3.4 cups spill completely out onto their wall.
NICE. That's 45 friggin peepoopie stains I could've attacked.
NOW IM LIMITED and.. maiming my friends house.
So I back up the bus.. all the way back up the stairs with this killah big machine.
Clean it all up with a dish towel.
Put dish towel down on counter.
*supah takes a moment 2 think
Fret about possibliity of friend using dishtowel to wiper her daughters face. Make mental note to tell her about possible chemical face burn PRIME opportunity should she use that rag.
Begin to descend again.
I'm totally flustered. Kids are in running car. ???! Buckled. But I'm a freaky paranoid. I never expected it to take so long. * feathers ruffled
Get it down the stairs finally. HUFFING AND PUFFIN LIKE SOME wolf. Flustered. Roll the fucker out onto the driveway. Turn around and look at the garage door.
* supah stares
* supah blinks
Um.
Directions for closing? Not included.
Supah's ability to get out of sticky situations while flustered. 1/100 chance.
So.
I first attempt to PUNCH IN THE CODE while standing outside and PUNCHING CODE ON PAD.
I begin to hear the GRUMBLE of the garage door.
YES!!!!!! SCORE. I AM SOOO GOOD. Stupid dance on the driveway.
* STOPS
*STARES
* BLINKS
*NOTICES: OTHER SIDE OF garage door is going up.
Already open SIDE of garage door. Not budging.
Okkkkkaaaaay then.
Refuse to play with codes again. Fearing it's an alarm system of some sort..
* supah thinks
* supah thinks HURD.
*Looks around garage.
Notice two light plate switch looking thingis. Yes?? Maybe??
* Goes in garage.
I push one. door #1 closes.
YES!
Turn around to look at switches.
Now which one did I just push???
Short term memory supah here.
Shoot.
so I just Push one.
door #1 goes up.
OK.
Pick opposite switch.
Door 2 goes down.
* THINKS TO SELF
OMG I look like such a FRIGGIN IDIOT.
* BIG NEIGHBORHOOD.. MILLIONS OF SUBURBIA HOUSES - all watching .. I'm certain.
UGH.. Almost done.
Push other switch and RUN LIKE THE WIND UNDER IT so that I don't get CA- RUSHED. Fears and anxiety.
Guess what? As I run like the wind under it.
It goes back up.
Mother fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkker.
I will die a hundred deaths if anyone is watching me.
I go back in.
and because I'm stupid.
I push it again.
and . ....
RUN LIKE THE WIND *AGAIN *UNDER IT.
Door goes back up.
* WHAT THE shiggity FlUCK thinks supah!!???
*Looks down.
*Notices sensor type object.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Now what smarty?
I HAVE TO CLOSE THIS DOOR.
So I eye up this sensor thingi.
Ok then.
BRING IT ON YOU STUPID FUCKER.
It's limbo time boys and girls. Except its waaaaaaaay too low to limbo.
oK. So it's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE TIME.
dun dun dun dun dun dun .. dun dun dun.. dun dun dun.
neener noooo.. neeener nooo...
I THINK IT ALL OUT.
* supah thinks
I decide my timing cause I'm a math whiz .
I push the button after a few seconds of nervous cleansing breath.
PUUUUUUUUSH
door begins to come down
RUUN
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAp like a leprechaun!
and door goes up.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHY DO YOU TEST ME GOD?????????????
Determined and now tooooooootally pissed off. SWEATING. EMBARASSED TO BE ME.
I push that fucker. No hesitation. EYE OF THE TIGER
Door begins descent.
FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!
I LEAP LIKE THESE 28 INCHERS HAVE NEVER LEAPT BEFORE.. I am channeling JACKIE JOYNER KERSEE. I am a hurdler of all things laser and sensorish.
I am "Jack be Nimble" in the flesh.
i LEAP! i LAND! i TURN BACK! the door is CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSING. :)
OPENING.
* supah falls on the ground and begins crying for 4 seconds
* gathers herself .. pulls crumpled heap o self up.
* has stroke of genious.
* goes in
Closes both doors.
Walks up basement steps.
Through kitchen.
Into Hallway.
OUt front door.
Down steps.
Gives garage doors the bird.
Gets into van.
* supah mutters "I win. SUCK-A. "
Puts the car into reverse. Begins to exit hell house.
Pats her oh so succesfully pathetic mission impossible self on the back.
Rides down to her house with a van full of kids who were enjoying the garage door show.
Gets to house.
Unloads 3 kids.
* realizes she does NOT have rug doctor
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
neener noooo.. neeener nooo...
Now tell me your story. Come back and link up using mr linky. Post your direct URL INTO the link. Comment up on some of the people above and below your name. This is how you grow your blog and get new followers. Show them some love. WE'll do our best to come visit you all.
xoxo
supah and mommybrain